The Most Important Lesson of my Year
It's not what I expected and kind of annoying
As my Year of Generosity comes to a close, the most important lesson I learned this year is not the one I thought I would learn.
At the beginning of the year, I wanted to be more generous because, well, I felt like kind of a bad person. I felt greedy, miserly, protecting my stuff with a snarl. I wanted to stop the pain of stinginess and scarcity.
But it turns out, I was feeling all those things because—despite all my Buddhist meditation and spiritual work—I still saw myself as alone, separate, bereft. The world didn’t care about me and didn’t give enough to me, so I had to take care of me and mine.
But, as I started to study generosity, I realized that when I lean into the collective—my neighborhood, my friends, my city, this earth—my relationships flourish and I feel more secure, more taken care of.
I started to see that I needed to let myself have things too. Simon Sinek has said, “We don’t build trust by offering help. We build trust by asking for it.” I needed to let myself receive help from the collective spirit. I needed more compassion, patience, forgiveness, rest.
I needed to be more generous to myself.
Ugh, annoying.
But, I tell you, it worked. The more I’ve given myself permission to have what I really need, and the more I’ve accepted and appreciated things from others, the more easily and joyfully I’ve given.
I invite you to let yourself receive. Join the Rest and Resist Project and book a free 90-minute conversation with me to talk about what you need.
The Rest and Resist Project is a space for 20 women+ and mothers to receive 90 minutes with me, between December 1, 2024 and January 31st, 2025 to recognize their exhaustion, to rethink rest, and to reclaim their humanity, even when the world tries to tell them that they are unworthy and alone.
These sessions create an opportunity for me to deepen relationships with people in my community (like you!), to learn more about what you need, and to reciprocate the gifts I have received from philosophy by paying it forward.
Weekly Gifts
This year I’m working on my theme of Generosity by giving at least one gift every week of the year, and to chronicle and reflect on them here.
Week 47, Nov 25- Dec 1: I’ve started my Rest and Resist Project conversations, and what a perfect way to lean into my community, build relationships, express generosity, and be nourished in the process. You can book one here.
Week 48, Dec 2- 9: Christmas gifts. This year, I have a little less angst about buying crap off Amazon that no one really needs. I’m realizing that the deeper gifts I give are my attention, time, care, wisdom, and love. When I decouple these things from the material stuff, there’s less pressure to get the perfect Lego set.
Want More Practical Philosophy?
Public Events:
The Mother Pack, my 6-month group coaching program for moms, will be open to new members this January! If you want to talk about motherhood, patriarchy, identity, with other smart, open-hearted women, and learn powerful tools for how to feel centered and confident, the Mother Pack is for you. Just hit “reply” to this email with the words “Mother Pack” and I’ll follow up.
What I'm Reading:
I’ve enjoyed journalist Johann Hari’s work because it encourages broader, more systemic thinking about the social and cultural causes—rather than only biological ones—of social ills like addiction, depression, and anxiety. His latest book, Stolen Focus, is no different. He cites everything from social media to pollution as contributing to a large-scale decline in our ability for sustained attention. I find it both provocative and persuasive.
Philosophical Quote:
From the Dalai Lama, who said it more succinctly than I did above:
"Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness ."
— Dalai Lama
If you’re needing more compassion, kindness, and care, join the Rest and Resist Project here.
Given with joy,
Danielle
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Before I started working with Danielle, I was frantic. I always felt responsible for pleasing others, and I was wearing myself out. She listened to me deeply and taught me concrete, practical tools to help me to develop a “strong back” of clear boundaries, a “soft front” of compassion, and to finally learn to ground and trust myself. Danielle knows how healing works.
— Ariel G., Veterinarian, Mother of 3